I like being alone.


I like drinking coffee alone, and reading alone.
I like riding the bus alone, and walking home alone.
It gives me time to think, and set my mind free.

I like eating alone, and listening to music alone.

But when I see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with his or her best friend, I realize that even though I like being alone, I don’t fancy being lonely. The sky is beautiful, but the people are sad. I just need someone who won’t run away.

Being sick sucks.

honestly, this sucks. i never get sick, ever. maybe the occasional cold or whatever. not like this. wtf. im scared out of my mind that it is what they say it is. auto immune disease? like really? on top of everything else in my life? and to top it off my mom feels responsible. oh my god, the way she looked when the doctor told her that it might be auto immune. she always told me that that would be her biggest fear of passing along something like this. ugh and on top of everything, none of my friends i feel like actually care. given, im not giving them much information. but none of them just want to talk :( i mean the first person ive talked to who talked to me like their friend was kerri. she was the only one to tell me about her life and not just ask me how im feeling. like just because you ask me how im feeling doesnt mean i dont want to talk about anything else. and im glad it makes you feel like you did your part because you told me to “call me if you need anything”. like does that help you sleep at night? that just makes me feel like poop. ugh i just need friends, i can take care of myself. 

but the part that sucks the not knowing. gah. i just want some answers